Eat Letters, Shit Words

Don't worry. There's no way you could've known, and there was no stopping it. I'll miss you.

Virjohn.sarahah.com Whether you know me or not, feel free to drop a message.

You know it's good because it hurts, you can't think, You can't move, it cripples you, yet you still can't let go. Time disappears, you don't worry, you don't stress, you don't dream. You don't even want it, but you still go out of your way, just to find it, to get through a few more days. It feels like a friend, one that you love, but you know that they're bad for you, you just can't quit them. You just want to be done, but you just can't say no, no matter how hard you try, how much you promise, you just can't let go. You know it's killing you, your body, your mind, who you always wanted to be, and where you've wanted to go, and you still can't say no. It's hard to fight back, when the demon is your best friend, they've become a part of who you are, and you can't imagine living without them. You want to stop, but this demon; your friend, it's destroying you, and while

The sun is shining bright, But everything I see is dark, I know I'm happy, but I feel nothing. I take pleasure from life, but that life is taking pleasure from me, I do the things I enjoy, and yet I feel nothing. I strive to show you the silver lining, but I can't see it myself, I want to make you happy, to mask my own pain. I just don't see the point, All of the things I love, All of the thing I enjoy, They just don't mean anything. I bask in every ray of sunshine, and I feel the cold hit me, I just can't see the light anymore, and the darkness calls to me.

So, earlier I was dreaming at work, and was thinking of the worst questions you could ask someone, and one of them was "What is your worst memory?" I started to answer it to myself, and got flooded with all of my worst, and thought that this one in particular I would like to share. In memory of CPL Nicholas Olivas. Father, brother, hero. Chainsaw Trp. 4/73rd Cavalry, 4th BCT 82nd Airborne Division.  5/30/2012 So, a few months into our deployment the brass above us coordinated massive mission in order to clear an area of all Taliban insurgents. It was a very big deal as we needed to be able to move freely throughout the area, as well as remove the Taliban influence on the surrounding villages. Our job was simple. Push the Taliban out of the area, set up strong points throughout the area to hold down the area we've cleared, and provide security for the engineers moving behind us that where clearing roads/removing IED's (basically DIY landmines). Now, Olivas and

My obligatory 2016 wrap up. Going to try not to focus on the past so I can look forward to the new year a bit more. It's a bit long. 2106 saw a lot of death for me, and I'm not talking about the celebrities. Sure, they made their impact, but theirs deaths didn't hurt near as much as the friends and family I lost since the year began. Until Valhalla, Ruhl, Thomas, and Grampy. Was shot during an argument, suicide, and lung cancer respectively.  I'll see you gentleman again.  RIP Lisa. You made my life complete and utter Hell for years, but I like I told you at your funeral, I forgive you. I really do. Only two other really notable things for the year. The vast majority of 2016 I was dating Sami, and that's been over for a bit now. Not gonna lie, I've been super bent out of shape about it. I really wanted that to work out, but just recently I think my Heartache Fever finally broke. Realized how much better off I am, and hopefully now I can find someone I can ac